I don’t join angry mobs too often. I’m not saying I wouldn’t, but it just doesn’t happen regularly. But if I did, I probably wouldn’t grab a pitchfork. Or even a torch.
When we talk about angry mobs, why are these still the tools and implements we envision?
I think it’s time for an upgrade, at least, technologically, to our concept of angry mobs. Most people wouldn’t even know where to buy a pitchfork or a torch.
I’m sure as long as there is government corruption, inequality, suffering, or injustice, there will be angry mobs. So, these aren’t going away. But why hasn’t our definition changed?
Here’s a quick list of things I think you should take if you find yourself joining an angry mob in the future. If you can think of other things, please add in the comments below. Leave your pitchforks and torches behind:
- Logic 101 – A textbook on constructing a logical and rational argument without emotion and fallacies. It’s easy to get caught up in the crowd and the momentum. But make sure you don’t end up losing the focus in the sea of energy. If someone confronts your angry mob and asks you probing questions, this textbook will keep you from calling them bad words and making ad hominem arguments or appealing to emotion.
- A list of demands that were democratically voted upon, appealed, amended, ratified, and adopted. You want the group to know what it wants. In some recent protests, the media interviewed 10 different people regarding the point of the protest, and 10 different people said 10 different things. Make sure everyone knows the talking points and why you are all joining together. The press of the opposing side is looking for cracks in your group. Don’t offer them any.
- A knowledge of yourself. How do you fit into this movement? Who are you beyond it and outside of it? If you’re going to say things like, “This movement is the first thing that has given my life meaning and direction,” you won’t seem like a credible witness. Make sure you know who you are, why you’re there, and how you and the mission fit together, even after the protest ends.
- Don’t speak in statistics. They’re hard to remember, hard to get right, always mutating, difficult for your audience to get the full picture, and easily disprovable by the other side. Tell stories that are easy for your audience to envision. Don’t speak in numbers.
- An understanding of Systems Theory and The Law of Unintended Consequences – Systems are complex. Government, policy, enforcement, etc. . . . are hard to understand, even for PhDs. You need to know that no “wrong” has a simple solution. To stop X, do Y. Well, yeah. Sort of. Adopting a new policy, or rescinding an old policy, will cause unforeseen waves. Who will those waves impact? Are they the predetermined target? If not, can you maybe think of a better demand or policy?
- Who are you leaving out? To join an angry mob, at least in North America, means you are likely in some position of privilege. You may not be the richest person in your apartment complex, but you have a day off from work. You have transportation. You’re connected enough to know about the gathering. You made signs and packed a lunch. Etc. . . . . . So, look around your angry mob. Who didn’t make it? Why didn’t they make it? Can you be their voice?
- A theme song – Do you want to gather with hundreds of other people with a shared goal and not have a marching tune? Not me.
- Misc: granola bars, bottles of water, suntan lotion, bail money.
- And for f%$k sake, keep it peaceful.
I hope this list helps you next time the citizens of your little burg are gathering.
If you can think of anything else, I’d be happy to hear from you in the comments.
Until then, Happy Angry Mobbing.
One Easy Method To Determine If You Are Living In A Simulation
Occasionally, we run into people who remind us of someone else. You know you’ve never really met them, even though they look identical to someone else. But it can’t be. The doppelganger you know lives across the country. Or they’re dead. Or they joined that cult group and haven’t been seen outside in over a decade
Jay-Z and a photo from Harlem, 1939
Besides, this mysterious identical twin from another mother doesn’t recognize you.
Or do they? It almost seems as if they have stolen a few glances at you too. Like you remind them of someone from their past. If only one of you had the courage to approach.
But you should approach them. I’m going to tell you why? I’m going to give you a method that will prove to you finally if we are living in a simulation.
It’s Dangerous To Go Alone. Take This.
Did you ever play “The Legend of Zelda” on Nintendo? Did you ever wonder if Link, the sword-wielding hero, knew his universe was just a computer-generated simulation? I doubt he did, but he could have figured it out if he thought for a moment.
Everyone Link encountered on his adventure looked just like everyone else, whether they were giving him a magical weapon or trying to sell him a potion.
Sure, maybe they had a different colored tunic, but, for the most part, the people of Hyrule were all the same. They were Xerox-Humans.
This is because a simulation requires so much computer memory to run. Some source code must be repeated. Imagine the memory size of a computer that can generate an entirely original universe that is 14 billion light years across. That would be a god-like machine.
Something must be repeated. Outer space must be mostly empty. Water must all look the same. Some people will be copies of other people. It saves memory.
Next time you encounter a person who reminds you of someone else, do the following in this order.
a) When you were a child, there was a monster under your bed you were terrified of. You were the only person who could see it, smell it, hear it rustling in the dust beneath you at night. What did you name it?
b) When you were 12, you wanted to kiss that one kid in your class. You never got the opportunity. You didn’t even know what kissing was. But your heart beat increased when you thought of it. Your chest felt funny. What was the name of that kid’s pet?
c) The first time you stole money from your mother, you had to be sneaky. You had to lie; to “act cool” because she was going to discover the heist. Even though she never accused you, she suspected you, secretly. You had to appear extra normal and extra loving and extra obedient for fear she would one day approach you saying, “I’m missing a twenty dollar bill”, and then stare at you silently. What did you purchase with the stolen money?
The Logic
If you were going to design an entire universe with living beings filled with sexual hormones and free will, there must be some very specific-yet-mundane details you wouldn’t need to program. You wouldn’t even want to program them. Because no one is ever going to ask about these memories. They were just programmed to give the simulation avatar background and color. But the great coder in the sky didn’t anticipate you, a divergent program capable of pattern recognition and hyper data sleuthing. The great coder could write a big database of memories and then give them to all the models of a particular design. Just like the steering wheels of Chevrolets rolling off the assembly line.
If the answers are the same, voila, the universe is actually in some type of larger computer.
Of course, there is one snag. This person may be off put, or wonder why you’re suddenly asking them so many weird questions.
If this happens, just shout at them “Control! Alt! Delete!” This will temporarily freeze them up as they reboot and you can make your cool exit.
Well done. Life in a simulation is weird.
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